This morning we had 40 minutes to write about anything we wanted. From this we are going to set some writing goals for the term. Here is what I wrote:)
It was about 3:30pm on a Sunday afternoon. Around that time we arrived at the Sylvia Park Hoyts. As we entered the theatre, my annoying sister, my Aunty and I noticed that we were the first family there. “First in, first served!” I said in a awesome feeling way. When I sprinted up the lit up stairs, I smelt and heard the crunching sound of delicious popcorn underneath my shoes. I dumped myself in the chair and sunk down feeling relaxed and hungry. The seats started to fill up and after waiting for about 10 minutes, the lights faded as I knew The Smurfs 2 in 3D was finally beginning. “About time.” I whispered to my Aunty.
After a lot of pictures popping in my face, it got really annoying. During the movie, I noticed different shots in the movie which reminded me of a activity at school called Creative Strand. Quickly I grabbed a snack before missing out on any of the exciting bits.
Here is what my partner and I thought I needed to work on!
Needs better vocabularies and a good hook.
Needs different things like adjectives and similarity's.
Has to make it more exciting and more interesting.
And next time try to get it finished.